The Self series is a series that encourages the complete healthy development of ones self. Taking care of one’s self isn’t just about bath bombs and facial masks, it’s also about feeding your body, spirit, and soul. This is a series dedicated to working towards the best you. This series will talk about three aspects of self: self-love, self care, and self discovery. By the end of this series I hope you’re a little step closer in becoming the best you!
The first topic featured in this series is self love. I selected this as the first because I know that someone, somewhere needs to read this. I’ll go ahead and say the holy spirit led me with this one, lol, but in all seriousness this is something that is difficult for so many women, including me. Through my journey of life. I have learned so much about self-love. Ive seen the beautiful and the ugly parts of it, and from my experience I have learned that it is so important because without it, you literally are lost. Lack of self love will have you trying to find love in meaningless things and unworthy people. This goes without saying, but that is not how love works. Love is about accepting and embracing and having deep feeling for someone or something. It is about knowing that that particular thing or person may not be perfect, but you choose to look past that and accept it/them anyway. It is a choice, and that choice starts with you. Choose to love YOU. Your life can be in complete disarray if you don’t learn to love and accept you. Once you do, you’ll see things fall into place.
Google defines self love is as “having regard for one’s own well-being and happiness”. In other words, it means to take care of you in all aspects and to find your own happiness. This is true but loving yourself goes way beyond that. It means accepting yourself in the dark. Loving you despite your flaws and mistakes, and protecting your peace. You do this by being positive, working out, reminding yourself that you are beautiful, and loving you so that you can love and pour into others. PAUSE. I’m stopping right here, because that last statement is crucial. As women, this is one of our biggest downfalls. The love we lack for ourselves, we try to seek in others. We have voids we try to fill with relationships, sex, social media, material things, and so many others things that have no value. We try to fix men or women that are broken because there are broken parts of us that we need to attend to. Baby girl, that is not how this works!
I can say that I have been that woman. I tried to fix broken people because I was broken. I lacked self love and I looked for it from outside sources. The lack of self love has caused me to do things I didn’t have any business doing. I tried to get the love I didn’t have for myself elsewhere. If I didn’t receive it from outside sources, my self worth and self esteem was diminished. I gave my body to a man at a time I really was not ready, I’ve tried to hurt myself; I have even attempted suicide because I really used to hate myself. I really used to wake up and look in the mirror and cry and ask God why he made me the way I was. I was never happy or content with myself. If it wasn’t my skin, it would be my weight, if it wasn’t my weight it would be my hair…I was so hard on myself and it really took a toll. I had no self worth, and because of it, I allowed people to treat me any kind of way. Knowing your worth and having self love goes hand in hand. Self worth is a product of self love. You need one in order to get the other.
Self love is being patient with yourself. It is understanding you are a work in progress and that is okay! As women, we put so much pressure on ourselves. We strive to be perfect when in the fact the world just needs us to be us. The world needs us to be our unique and individual selves. When you love who you are, you ACCEPT who you are. Accepting yourself is a product of self love, and it is a tool that is needed when you embark on the journey to self discovery.
The journey to self love is not easy and it won’t happen in a day, in fact I’m still on this journey to loving me. Just a few weeks ago, I had one of those days where I was struggling with self-acceptance (which will happen). I spoke to a close friend of mine and she gave me a task (I suggest everyone should try this out.) She told me to write down everything I loved about myself and the things I didn’t. I did it and I looked over the things I didn’t like and I sought to see how I could fix those that were fixable. If I couldn’t fix it, I made the decision to accept them. For example…love my legs….hate my stomach, what am I going to do? Get my behind up and workout, lol. One thing I cannot fix is my slight lazy eye. What am I going to do? Accept it and move on. I’m fire regardless!
You cannot allow little things to stop you from loving you and being the best you. If your past is stopping you from love, forgive yourself. Everyone has a past and everyone makes mistakes. You owe it to yourself to move on. Look within and see what issues you need to confront in order to fully love and accept yourself. Self love is the key to a happy self. Be confident in who you are. If need be make improvements (absolutely nothing wrong with improving btw, its needed!), but do not let it consume you.
Life is way too short to not live it in its beauty and fullness. Stop hiding behind insecurity, low self esteem, shame, or guilt. Make the effort to love you. Start with a prayer. Ask God to help you find self love and acceptance. From there do whatever makes you happy!
Self love is about embracing you and loving every part of you. It is about confronting your darkness and choosing to allow your light to shine. Its about not letting the opinions of others define you. Its about taking care for your mind, body and soul. Most importantly, its accepting yourself those days your thoughts betray you and they’re constantly telling you you’re not beautiful or worthy. Don’t let any of it deter or stop you! You are powerful just for being you. Find yourself and love yourself, it is the first step to a better you and a closer step to becoming a happier you.