Whewwwwwwww! Sisters, it has been a whileeee. I missed blogging and of course I missed you guys! Needless to say…I’m back, and for good this time! These past few months have tested me in every way possible. I can honestly say 2019 just might be the top 5 worst years of my life…so far (because a change is going to come, amen!) I literally lost almost everything, and because of it I was in a pretty low place. Honestly speaking, I have not felt this low in a while. Usually, I am pretty good at weathering the storm. I get knocked down, but I always get back up. I am the definition of staying ten toes, but this time…it hit different. It was so much going on. I had so many rejections, failures, BETRAYALS, it was bad y’all. I finally got to the point where I wanted to give up. Honestly speaking, I did give up…a lot. Like, I literally couldn’t do it. There was a point where it was a struggle for me to even get out of bed, but it’s by the grace of God I can even write this post. Despite this year being a tough one, I’m super thankful for it. This lesson I have learned has literally changed my life, and I’m praying it’ll change yours.
So boom, so many bad things happened this year. I lost my job, my apartment, I got into ANOTHER car accident (if you know me, you know my car struggle), and so many other unfortunate events occured. This caused me to become really depressed. For about three to four months I was going through it. The struggle was sequential, one thing after the other. Question, has anyone ever been through something like that? Its like the blows just don’t stop? Yeah, I was there. I was not me at all. I literally was not eating, I would bust out crying randomly, I was hopeless, and unmotivated. I felt like everything was stripped away from me, at once. There were so many points where I didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. Like y’all. My faith was gone. I used to think there really wasn’t any point in me being here. Nothing was going my way. I prayed and fasted, and nothing. I went to church, nothing. I was listening to all these sermons, and you guessed it….NOTHING. After a while, I stopped praying because your girl was fed up. I just chose to wallow in self pity and I was comfortable doing so.
I was so upset and so confused. How could God sit back and allow all this to happen? Adulting is already trash, but adulting for me….suuperrrr trash. Everything I worked hard for in a year, gone. I take pride in being an independent woman and taking care of mine, so when I couldn’t do that anymore, I was hurt up. In the midst of all this, I also lost friends. People who I called family, at my lowest they left me. Literally dipped out, and I was super hurt. I don’t really let people in so when I do and things like this happen, it hurts a great deal. It’s crazy because we tend to have a plan about our life and you think it’ll work out and your friends will always be there, but life doesn’t care about any of that. When it comes, it comes. Life really ruined allll of my plans, and for the longest I was so lost. I did not know where to go, I would just cry.
So it got to a point where I was fed up with my situation. Yes, life is trash right now, but what do I do? What happens when your plans are ruined and your life seems to have no sense of direction? What happens when we face struggle? When you’re going through our own journey in the wilderness, what do you do? Cry? Wallow? Dare I say it…give up??? No. You don’t give up, you fight and adapt. The key is to adapt. Adapt to the waves of life, the ups and downs. In life, everyone has their own struggle, their own journey in the wilderness, and the only way out is through. You have to get through. The more you give you up, you just prolong your own journey. No storm lasts forever, no matter how bad it is.
I wanted to write this to encourage someone. I know, right now it may seem like life is hard and you can’t catch a break, but I promise, good things are coming. Keep pushing. Keep going. Do not let your current struggles stop you from living. You go through these things as a test. God is testing you. He’s pushing your bounds and your limits. He’s strengthening you and preparing you for that next level. There are certain things you have to learn and experience so when you elevate, you have those tools that will help you. I look at struggles like working out, in the moment they suck. They hurt, they make your body sore as hell, but in the end its ultimately shaping you into an even better you. Everything on this earth serves a purpose, including our struggles.
This point in your life is a test. Don’t fail. That is what the enemy wants. Your season of struggle is almost over. Do not let up. Put in the work and win. The work you do now is the groundwork for your future. You can’t give up. You have to keep at it. You’re losing hope in your business, keep going…You don’t think you can get into school, keep trying….You can’t find a job…keep applying and use this time to focus on you. You cannot give up at whatever it is that your heart desires. There are people attached to your dreams, goals, gifts, etc. that are depending on you. They need you! You are intertwined into their destinies. It is through whatever power God has given you that you help others. You can’t stand in the way of that because things got a little hard. In the end of time, God will ask you. What are you going to say? Oh my bad God, I was going through a tough time…uhhh I think not!
I learned in life you are going to fail, but those failures just propel you to your greatness (if you allow it). This year I have given up on myself so many times, but I’m thankful for my tribe for constantly talking to me and telling me all that I’m telling you. Things may not be 100% for me, I’m still going through it, but Im not letting up, I refuse to give up. I’ve come too far. I learned giving up is weak. It’s easy and it’s selfish. No matter how hard things may be, we don’t give up. We refocus, plan, and execute.
If you are like me and you have lost hope, I’m here to tell you to push through. Nothing worth having comes easy. Don’t let these obstacles stop you, let them challenge you and push you towards growth. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Don’t fold. Have faith and trust the process. Center yourself, take care of you, believe in your vision, and get it done. Don’t give up.