The Self Series: Self Love

The Self series is a series that encourages the complete healthy development of ones self. Taking care of one’s self isn’t just about bath bombs and facial masks, it’s also about feeding your body, spirit, and soul. This is a series dedicated to working towards the best you. This series will talk about three aspects of self: self-love, self care, and self discovery. By the end of this series I hope you’re a little step closer in becoming the best you!

The first topic featured in this series is self love. I selected this as the first because I know that someone, somewhere needs to read this. I’ll go ahead and say the holy spirit led me with this one, lol, but in all seriousness this is something that is difficult for so many women, including me. Through my journey of life. I have learned  so much about self-love. Ive seen the beautiful and the ugly parts of it, and from my experience I have learned that it is so important because without it, you literally are lost. Lack of self love will have you trying to find love in meaningless things and unworthy people. This goes without saying, but that is not how love works. Love is about accepting and embracing and having deep feeling for someone or something. It is about knowing that that particular thing or person may not be perfect, but you choose to look past that and accept it/them anyway. It is a choice, and that choice starts with you. Choose to love YOU. Your life can be in complete disarray if you don’t learn to love and accept you. Once you do, you’ll see things fall into place.

Google defines self love is as “having regard for one’s own well-being and happiness”. In other words, it means to take care of you in all aspects and to find your own happiness. This is true but loving yourself goes way beyond that. It means accepting yourself in the dark. Loving you despite your flaws and mistakes, and protecting your peace. You do this by being positive, working out, reminding yourself that you are beautiful, and loving you so that you can love and pour into others. PAUSE. I’m stopping right here, because that last statement is crucial. As women, this is one of our biggest downfalls. The love we lack for ourselves, we try to seek in others. We have voids we try to fill with relationships, sex, social media, material things, and so many others things that have no value. We try to fix men or women that are broken because there are broken parts of us that we need to attend to. Baby girl, that is not how this works!

I can say that I have been that woman. I tried to fix broken people because I was broken. I lacked self love and I looked for it from outside sources. The lack of self love has caused me to do things I didn’t have any business doing. I tried to get the love I didn’t have for myself elsewhere. If I didn’t receive it from outside sources, my self worth and self esteem was diminished. I gave my body to a man at a time I really was not ready, I’ve tried to hurt myself; I have even attempted suicide because I really used to hate myself. I really used to wake up and look in the mirror and cry and ask God why he made me the way I was. I was never happy or content with myself. If it wasn’t my skin, it would be my weight, if it wasn’t my weight it would be my hair…I was so hard  on myself and it really took a toll. I had no self worth, and because of it, I allowed people to treat me any kind of way. Knowing your worth and having self love goes hand in hand. Self worth is a product of self love. You need one in order to get the other.

Self love is being patient with yourself. It is understanding you are a work in progress and that is okay! As women, we put so much pressure on ourselves. We strive to be perfect when in the fact the world just needs us to be us. The world needs us to be our unique and individual selves. When you love who you are, you ACCEPT who you are. Accepting yourself is a product of self love, and it is a tool that is needed when you embark on the journey to self discovery.

The journey to self love is not easy  and it won’t happen in a day, in fact I’m still on this journey to loving me. Just a few weeks ago, I had one of those days where I was struggling with self-acceptance (which will happen). I spoke to a close friend of mine and she gave me a task (I suggest everyone should try this out.) She told me to write down everything I loved about myself and the things I didn’t. I did it and I looked over the things I didn’t like and I sought to see how I could fix those that were fixable. If I couldn’t fix it, I made the decision to accept them. For example…love my legs….hate my stomach, what am I going to do? Get my behind up and workout, lol. One thing I cannot fix is my slight lazy eye. What am I going to do? Accept it and move on. I’m fire regardless!

You cannot allow little things to stop you from loving you and being the best you. If your past is stopping you from love, forgive yourself. Everyone has a past and everyone makes mistakes. You owe it to yourself to move on. Look within and see what issues you need to confront in order to fully love and accept yourself. Self love is the key to a happy self. Be confident in who  you are. If need be make improvements (absolutely nothing wrong with improving btw, its needed!), but do not let it consume you.

Life is way too short to not live it in its beauty and fullness. Stop hiding behind insecurity, low self esteem, shame, or guilt. Make the effort to love you. Start with a prayer. Ask God to help you find self love and acceptance. From there do whatever makes you happy!

Self love is about embracing you and loving every part of you. It is about confronting your darkness and choosing to allow your light to shine. Its about not letting the opinions of others define you. Its about taking care for your mind, body and soul. Most importantly, its accepting yourself those days your thoughts betray  you and they’re constantly telling you you’re not beautiful or worthy. Don’t let any of it deter or stop you! You are powerful just for being you. Find yourself and love yourself, it is the first step to a better you and a closer step to becoming a happier you.

Toxic Traits Pt. 2: Identifying traits in others

While it is important to identify toxic traits within yourself, it is just as important for you to see if those traits are within those around you. Dealing with people that are toxic is draining and dangerous and honestly it can cause you to pick up on a few unhealthy traits yourself. In addition to that, they bring a dark aura in your life that is definitely not needed. Toxic people honestly are hurt people who look to hurt others. They prey on the people with good hearts and they manipulate it in so many different ways. They hold traits that can literally destroy. If you do not know how to identify certain toxic traits within other people, here are a few:

Manipulation: If you are in a relationship/friendship with someone and they are constantly getting you or other people to do what they want them to do, they are manipulative. People like this often think it is about them, and they will use whatever they feel necessary to get what they want. There is no equity in the relationship, it is extremely one-sided. You just see yourself catering to their every whim when none of that energy is returned.
Belittling others: People who are toxic are always bringing other people down. They talk down on others and make them feel low. If you find yourself in that type of situation with your friends or significant other, it is hard. They’re condescending and they make you feel bad for being you. They find fault in everything you do. Either you look wrong or you’re doing something wrong, and it seems that they are never satisfied or content with you or anything that you do. This one may be hard to identify because it may seem like they’re trying to help you, but pay attention to tone, and how often it is that they’re saying negative comments.
Projecting past hurt on others: This one is easily mistakable to do, but when it becomes constant, it becomes toxic. No one wants to get hurt and everyone is trying to guard and protect their heart, but if they are constantly comparing you to the past, if they are not trying to let go and move forward, and they hurt you like they were hurt for whatever reason, that person is toxic. You do not deserve to pay for the sins of others especially when you genuinely care. If you are in a relationship and your significant other is bringing up their ex and how you are doing them like this person or that person, stop that quick…..or let them know if it continues, you’re gone.
Inconsistency: A BIG one. Often times we make up excuses for those who are inconsistent but ladies, and gentlemen, this has to stop. Inconsistency in a relationship or friendship is indeed a toxic trait. Some people may question how, but it’s extremely unfair! They are keeping that person in limbo and not allowing them to move on. They leave when they want to and they come back when they want. They play on the emotions of the other party making them feel obligated to stay, when in fact they really do not have to.
Envious/Jealous: A dangerous one. I call this the dangerous one because you never know the lengths people go to when they are jealous or envious. It’s a dangerous game and you never know the outcome. People with extreme jealousy or envy like to sabotage the life others. They project their insecurities onto you and make you seem like you’re crazy. I try as much as possible to stay away from people like this because sometimes they got the game messed up, and yeah….they’re just a different type of people. It’s different to be jealous once in while but to live in that realm of jealousy and envy, it’s really wild.
Negative Attitudes: Honestly, with this one, I had to cut a few friends off. People with bad attitudes for no apparent reason really blow mine. They have an attitude and they take it out on you. You feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them and not upset them. In reality, no one has time for that. No one has time to be around people with dark and disgusting vibes. It’s 2018, we are out here trying to live our best lives, no one wants to entertain this type of person, at all.
“Blamers”: I didn’t really have a name for this trait so I just made one up, lmao. Blamers are people who always make everything seem like it is your fault. They never take responsibility, but they know how to put the blame on others! they do not apologize (which is another toxic trait within itself), and they put all their feelings unto you. They will always defend how they feel with complete disregard to how you do, and it will always be your fault.

Toxic people are broken people. They are looking for people to fix them. They look for sympathy and try to seek it in people who are good people. Their problems are never really solved or fixed so they get joy from bringing drama, pain, and agony to other people. No one deserves to deal with people like this. It is not our job to fix people (not saying you can’t or you shouldn’t), but do not take on that burden. Especially, if you are broken yourself. Dealing with a person like this can drain you emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually. Do not allow yourself to become a victim. If you were reading this post, and some people popped into your head, you might have to re-evaluate those relationships. It may be hard because this might be a person that is near or dear to you. Ayaba, what it boils down to is who do you love more, yourself (and your sanity and peace) or them?

Toxic Traits: Identifying them within yourself

When people talk about toxic traits it is often related to relationships, but no one ever discusses those that dwell within yourself. One of the hardest things to do in life is to be completely honest with yourself. To completely read yourself for fillthhhhh. A lot of times we blame other people for things, but sis…sometimes its YOU.
I know I always say whatever particular topic I’m writing about is “hard for me”, but this stuff is really hard, lol. Growth is never an easy thing, but to become who you need to, it is essential. Anyways, as hard as it may be to understand, but in certain situations, it is in fact you. There are certain TOXIC traits that you harbor, that brings so much negative energy to your life. We’re so quick to identify the toxicity in other people, but can you do it to yourself? Personally, I was THE number one person calling people out on all their BS. I’d tell you if you were bitter, jealous, angry, etc., but when other people brought my own traits to my attention, sis was in denial. I didn’t have a major epiphany for my need to change, but I just simply noticed how I treated people or the things that I would say…I just saw a lot of my shortcomings and it really bothered me.
I had a lot of toxic traits that I worked to get rid of (some are still there, but God is working on me, lol). I was extremely jealous. If certain things did not work out for me, but they worked out for others, I’d be hurt. If they were going after their dreams and becoming successful, I would always find something to hate on. I compared myself to others a lot, especially appearance wise. Being too big or not thick enough was a major issue and till this day I still have somewhat of an issue. At times I can be very pessimistic (mind you, I hate pessimistic people), I just carried a negative aura at times and it affected those around me. It is important to self-evaluate every so often because you do not want to be that person. It isn’t fun, lol. Oh yeah, I was also VERY judgmental. I didn’t care who you were, I judged you, lmao. It’s not funny, but thinking back it’s like who in the world did I think I was to put myself in the position to judge others. Like, I’m really hilarious, lmao. To be honest, the list goes on..lack of trust, passive aggressiveness, insecurity, projecting my fears unto others, I could keep going. I do want to pause and say I wasn’t this crazy person all the time. I didn’t exude all these things at once, but over the course of time I did notice and identify them.
To identify your traits it’s all about self-evaluating. It even helps to ask your closest friends. I used to ask my friends all the time what is something I need to change, or what characteristic do I have that’s detrimental but I don’t notice. If you truly believe you do not have any toxic trait, you’re lying to yourself. To be honest, I understand if you really truly believe you don’t, its really easy to believe, but in the end, all you’re doing is hurting yourself. We are all human, and no one is perfect, but that isn’t an excuse to not work towards a better you. It is very important to get rid of these traits. Some people don’t know what certain toxic traits are so below are a few:

Manipulation
-Stinginess
-Negativity
-Sensitivity (being too sensitive)
-Lack of Empathy
-Jealousy
-Judgemental

Now, that you have a few examples of toxic traits here area few indicators to help you identify if you have them:
1. People no longer want to be around you– If you are the negative nancy and you bring down a good vibe, you gotta go sis. No one wants that type of person in their space. Especially since we live in a world that is negative enough. People will not want you around, and you will see it. You’ll start to notice people just do not want you around. If their energy changes when you walk up, you all don’t hang out as much as you used to, or they always suddenly just have to go….maybe jusstttttt maybe, it’s you.
2. You notice yourself always talking about someone-This one was one of my biggest toxic traits. I would literally find the bad in everyone. If they just graduated, “finally”,  whole timeeee I didn’t even graduate on time, lmao. I remember once, I heard the words coming out of my mouth and I was like ”damn, I sound like a hater”, and from that moment on I told myself I would stop.
3. If your friends don’t confide in you about their issues-I remember one of my best friends had told my other best friends her issue. We were all talking and they were discussing it. I was mad because she didn’t tell me. I low-key went off. She graciously gathered me all the way together and expressed I was extremely judgmental. When she talked to me about certain things, she felt worse after we spoke. When your best friend tells you that, its heartbreaking. That’s not what the relationship is supposed to be like.
4. You find yourself never content with your life-Now, nothing is wrong with wanting more for yourself, but if you’re never happy with what you have due to the fact that you’re looking at what God gave others, it is a no-go. This is dangerous because you become greedy, and you will find yourself doing crazy things to get to where other people are. Keep in mind everyone’s story is different. Everyone’s time for glory is different. Stop comparing. Your time will come.
5. Bad situations just always seem to find you-If you find yourself in a bad situation all the time, you might be apart of the problem. What you put out into the world is what will return. If you are constantly negative and putting others down, how do you think the world will reward you? You think you’ll….be blessed? No. You have to be the change you seek. Start inward. Look at what you need to change and go from there. Be a pillar of light, and not a cloud of darkness. Do not put out bad energy, because it will surely find you. Like Wizkid said, bad energy stay far away!

Now, these aren’t the only indicators of you having toxic traits, but they are a start. If you can identify with any of the traits or indicators above, its time to make a change. Toxicity should have no place in your life. It can cause a lot of damage and pain. Being toxic is like a poison and it affects everyone you come in contact with. It can leave you feeling like an outcast in your own life. It is best to identify them early and try and find out the cause. I always tell myself I have one life to live, and I want to spend it as happy as possible being the best me. That should be a mentality you adapt to as well. It should be no reason you are bringing all this bad energy into your life. You should live it being happy and doing what you love. Ayaba, we don’t have time for toxicity, we should be getting to the bag and working to make our dreams come true, period.

Forgiveness

If I were to sit here and tell you all that forgiving those who hurt you is pretty easy, I’d be telling you the biggest lie. Forgiving is one of the most difficult things to do, but it is also one of the most important. When you make that decision not to forgive, you take on a heavy burden, and eventually it will consume you;  consequently, it’ll ruin you. When it comes to forgiveness, you have to understand it is not for the other person or people, it is ultimately for you. When you make that choice to forgive, you set yourself free. I know this is easier said than done, but it will bless you. I am the last person to talk about the importance of forgiveness, but with what I experienced, I knew I had to share.

One of the hardest experiences I faced was the betrayal of a loved one. Family. Without getting too detailed (I know I preach transparency, but for the sake of the parties involved, I can’t get too detailed), this person literally ruined my life, lol. They were the reason my family relocated to Maryland. Prior to the move, everything was gravy. Once we moved, the switch up was realllllll! Because of this individual, my family and I went through the hardest of times. To keep it a stack, I really don’t know how we’re here today. Anything someone can possibly go through, we went through. From being robbed, to the death of our Grandfather, to almost facing homelessness, to so many other unspeakable things; this person was the cause of it all. So many things happened, but the worst of it was putting us through all this and abandoning us. To sacrifice for someone you love only for them to leave was a different type of betrayal.

With the events that occurred, I was affected the worst.  It affected me in so many ways. Out of all, the worst was the hatred. I am a really nice person, and I give people chances (sometimes too many), but this situation turned me into someone ugly. I was very bitter and I trusted no one. Guys, when I say I hated this person, I hatedddd them. That word cannot even fathom the amount of hate I had towards this person. I won’t even hold you, it was bad. It spilled into other areas of my life. I didn’t trust anyone, I was nasty to people, I didn’t want any new friends for fear they’d just come and leave; I just wasn’t myself. The resentment really took over me.

I really want to reiterate and lament how much this situated affected me because it nearly destroyed me. Ask my friends, they know. I was super defensive, I would snap on people, and try to embarrass them. I started losing people because of how I was treating them. I was fighting with my family members, and it caused me to stress. As a result, my weight was up and down, I was breaking out, and I had really bad headaches. I was tired of this happening so I decided to make one of the hardest choices ever, forgive and let go.

I won’t lie, it hurt like hell. To really let all the things this person did go, and charge it to the game? Nope! I couldn’t do it. For a while,  I fought it, but it took a lot of reflection and prayer to actually go through with it. After much thinking, I realized that most of this derived from pain and fear. I feared that the process would keep repeating itself. I would let someone in fully, and they’d purposely hurt me and abandon me. I’m a tough person, so admitting I was hurt took a lot as well. It was annoying because I would come home from school and relax, and I would start thinking about the situation all over again. To think that I made the conscious effort to let this person in and they purposely hurt me was driving me absolutely wild. I was literally going crazy thinking about it all day. Also, seeing how it affected my family, especially my mother, made the situation 20x worse.

After all this reflecting and realizing, it took a lot of effort and prayer to forgive. I did not want to at all, but I knew if I wanted to be happy I had to. Again, it was not easy but it was necessary. I learned so much in this situation. It taught me a lot about power, emotions, pain, freedom, etc. While I would not wish what my family and I went through on anyone, I appreciate the journey.

I learned that forgiveness isn’t for those who hurt you, it is in-fact for YOU. It is needed in order for you to move on and live your life. I was hurt and I didn’t give myself time and space to heal. I had to ask myself who am I not to forgive? Every day I hurt God by doing one sin or another, and I ask him to forgive me. If he can forgive me, why can’t I forgive others? My good friend brought up a point and said that in the Lord’s prayer, it says “…..forgive us our trespasses,as we forgive those who trespass against us….” Like what?! God is telling me he’ll forgive me as I forgive others. No matter how much they hurt me. I wished so much bad on this individual, but in the end, I left them for God. God will you fight for you, he will vindicate you, and he will judge those who hurt you. I learned forgiving doesn’t mean you are weak. This was a big one because I hate feeling weak. Whenever I say I forgive, I feel like I’m being sweet and people will try and play with me again, but that was my pride talking. I had to let her go too, lol. Pride?  She will cause you to miss your blessings and so will choosing not to forgive.

Yes, It will hurt at first. You will fight it or cry about it like I did. There will be times where you will say no they don’t deserve it, but it won’t hurt anyone but you. The other person does not care. They’re still going on about their life, and you should do the same! Forgive. Let it all go. Do whatever you have to, but free yourself from the ugliness in your heart. I promise it will be worth it. You may not feel like that right now, but God will take control. You deserve happiness, peace, freedom, and everything forgiveness gives, so give it to yourself.

How To Be A Girl Boss

For this blog post I wanted to do something different. I’m very big on supporting other women and collaborating sooooo….I wanted this post to embody both of those things. Lately, I have had  this “Boss Up” mentality and I decided that I wanted to do a post on it, but I wanted to bring in someone who really embodies what it means to be a GIRL BOSS. At that point, I knewwwww I had to call on my sis Olamide Abimbola.

I met Olamide or “Lami” in 2013 at a church retreat and we’ve been cool ever since. She has become something like a big sister to me. She is such a great person with a pure heart, but what I respect about her most is her grind. Babyyyyy, she emulates what it means to hustle. From doing hair, to singing, to owning her own fashion company, she does it all!

Lamide is the CEO and founder of her company Wardrobe798. Wardrobe798 is an online store created to find unique fashion statements to make your outfit pop. It is the perfect combination of African culture and Miami style. She started this company almost a year ago, and sis has been Bossed up ever since!

In this post, we talk about her business journey and what it means to be a Girl Boss!

Me: Okay, so first tell us a little bit about yourself!

Lamide: “So…..My name is Olamide but most call me Lami… I am 26 years old born and raised in Miami, FL but of Nigerian descent. I graduated from Florida A&M University, where I received my bachelor’s degree in healthcare management.  I’m all for a good vibe. I love music, fashion, dancing, good food, creating, and praising God just to name a few. Some call me the social butterfly.  I started my business Wardrobe798 a year ago, and I thank God for the growth ever since.

Me: Great! Now that we know a little bit about you, what does it mean to be a Girl Boss and how do you become one?

Lamide: Listennnnn, my definition of being a girl boss, is being independent, making a purpose or solving problems. A strong woman with leader characteristics and skill. It’s not just about the title or money, its being inspirational and having some type of impact on others. Some women are naturally born leaders/bosses and some learn how to be…..let me teach you.

To be a girl boss, you have to constantly educate yourself (be open to learning), you have to be strong, and be ready to stand out. When having this mentality, you have to learn how to take some losses and charge it to the game #PERIOD. Expect it. Don’t put anything past anyone or anything. You also have to have a million dollar mindset, great thing start from inside-out. It’s so important to love what you do and have a passion for it. Most important, keep God first in all things you do he is the ultimate creator.

Me: Okayyyyy sis, feeling your energy! What inspired you to start a business?

Lamide: My love for fashion! I love dressing up and putting things together and my love for it pushed me to start a fashion brand. I wanted to own a business I would enjoy doing while inspiring people. Not to toot my own horn, but I’m literally the”Jane of all trades”, I do it all. My love for learning also inspired me. I watch and try to teach myself things and I just really love to create! Oh yeah, and my mom! She inspired me. She’s a hustler! She goes out and she gets it. She can sell you the shirt of your back. I took that mentality and I ran with it.

Me: Why did you chose the business you chose?

Lamide: What inspired me to start Wardrobe798 was the compliments of many people on how I put my outfits together. I always had my own style. Wardrobe is a touch of my culture and pieces to make simple outfits pop. I just love fashion because it’s all about the individual. I felt like that was the perfect business for me to own. Not only do I love fashion, but I love my culture. My culture is so rich and royal and I wanted my brand to embody that. My brand represents royalty and the appreciation of diversity.

Me: What has been some setbacks in relation to your business, and how did you overcome?

Lamide: Setbackkksss? HEYYYYYYYYYY. Let me tell you!

Number one setback I would say is procrastination. This business will be a year since its official launch next month. Prior to starting, I would say “I want to start a fashion business, but everyone is doing it” or honestly, I was fearful of actually putting it out there. Due to this, I put off my plans and kept procrastinating. I would find an excuse. I made a lot of excuses. I was being my own setback so yeah for me it was procrastination.

Now? I’m on it! Haha, sis, what is a setback? Can’t stop me now, Thank God

Me: Haha, what motivates you?

Lamide: Sis, Im trying to be an international business babe “laughs”. What keeps me going is the drive and the hustle! I love the game of this business. The fact that I get to own/run a business is so gratifying! I will be on the Forbes list one day known for greatness and success! I claim it. I read a lot & listen to music that moves my spirit, it helps me create. What keeps me going is becoming a better me.This isn’t something just for hype, it’s my legacy and my future. In addition, GOD is a big key factor to staying motivated. It’s very important when it comes to having faith and praying. One of my fav bible verses is Genesis 1 vs 28.

Me: What are three things every entrepreneur should have to start a successful business?

Lamide: Number one, a plan.  Number two, quality. Whatever you’re doing, whether it is a service or an product, make sure its quality. Don’t sell ppl BS. Number three, I don’t have a particular word for it, but JUST DO IT. Stop the excuses and start now. Whatever you have on your heart to do and accomplish, start now. JUST DO IT.

Me: What are three things every entrepreneur needs to maintain a successful business?

Lamide: First, consistency. You have to be consistent. I cannot stress that enough. I don’t care if you have two followers (customers). If you have two followers, post till you have three! Keep going. Don’t look at the numbers in the beginning. Understand that great things take time

Second, Investments. Investing in yourself and your business is so essential. You have to spend money to make money. When running your own business, there will be things that will hurt the pocket, but you have to make sure it’s worth it. For example, paying to protect your business.

Lastly, preparedness. When you make the decision to become an entrepreneur, understand anything can happen. You just never know. You have to be prepared for whatever comes your way. You have to mentally prepare, but always maintain a positive mindset. Be ready for the ups and the downs (because they will come) and be ready for lack of support. This is very important, because not everyone will support you like they say they will, and as a business owner, you can’t take it personal (one of those things you have to just charge to the game).

Me: Is having a 9-5 while being an entrepreneur Ideal?

Lamide: YES. It all depends on the individual and their circumstances. I currently work a full time job and run my business at the same time. It can get overwhelming at times, but you have to make your 24hrs work for you. Eventually business will get to a level where you can go fulltime with entrepreneurship, and not have to work for anyone, that’s the goal.

Me: As far as branding and marketing goes, what inspired you. What do you go for?

Lamide: When it comes to branding, it is important to start off with self, and that is exactly what I did. I started off with myself, I make sure to reflect what my company represents, royalty. Then I started rocking my own product. If I can’t wear what I’m selling, how do I expect people to buy my stuff? I started wearing my merchandise without telling people to see if they had interest.

When it comes to marketing, you have market yourself. Trust your own brand, post yourself, and utilize people around you. I use my sisters, my friends, and social media. I started using these outlets for my business rather than “just for fun”. Although social media is a very important tool, I also don’t get stuck on technology. You actually have to go out. I marketed in hair salons, events and pop-up shops.

Me: What advice would you give to anyone that wants to start a business or has quit on their dream to start one?

Lamide: Do whatever you want to do but it starts with your mindset. You have to be patient. Understand good things take time. Never give up. Someone can work hard for 2-3 years and the fourth year blow up! Don’t give up!

When owning a business, don’t just look at the dollar sign, make sure it is something you love.

Be original. Don’t fake it! Do whatever you want to do, be confident, and believe in yourself. If one don’t work move on to the next great thing.

For those who quit, it is never too late. We all get distracted and want to quit, but keep going. I have my days, but you have to shake it off and get on track. You got this ❤

——————-

Life is about taking chances and risks, and so is business. I hope this post inspires all my Girl bosses to just go for it! Boss up. Educate yourself, plan, execute, and have patience. Most importantly put it before God. I hope that this helps you and pushes you to make that first move, go out and do it!

 

Know Your Worth

I can honestly say the journey to knowing my own worth has been an extremely difficult one. I did not always value the person I saw in the mirror, nor did I see her as worthy. I had low self esteem which played the biggest role in me not seeing my worth. It allowed me to put others before me. I defined myself  through other people and stupid things like popularity and positions. After a while, it became seeing my worth through others.

Like I always say, I’m not a big “relationshippyyy” type of gal. I rarely trust people andI hate vulnerability, and whenever I feel like I’m being vulnerable…I run, lmao. But a few years back I met someone that I felt was worth that. I then got into a “situationship”. I’m low-key glad it happened because it made me see that I didn’t value myself. My value came from whether or not he valued me. I eventually wanted a relationship, and he didn’t….this is what really messed me up. I took this as I’m not good enough or I’m not worthy enough, and things went south from there. I looked as myself as the issue. What it really was was that he just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship but I really had a complex and I believed it was me. Because I measured my worth through his eyes, I allowed myself to stay into something when I knew I deserved better. What it boiled down to is lack of self love. I didn’t know how to love myself…and essentially I lost myself.

Thinking back, I realized I went through this period because there were certain things God wanted to teach me. I had to learn how to love me for me. Regardless of position, status, or whatever. I had to learn to be confident in the woman I am… confidence and self worth go hand in hand. Confidence is a product of knowing your worth. Again, self love also plays a major role. When you love yourself, you set standards and you know what you deserve. This isn’t limited to relationships but in your careers, FRIENDSHIPS, etc….Don’t ever sell yourself short. 

From my “know your worth/self love” journey I’ve learned when you know worth, you keep away from anything or anyone that is a detriment to you. You don’t tolerate just anything. You’re mindful of who you give yourself to…I had to learn this the hard way because not everyone deserves you. You have to protect the woman that you have fought so hard to become. Love yourself. You can’t teach people how to love you when you don’t even have the slightest idea how. It. Won’t. Work. Sis. It just won’t, lol. You have to also be mindful of those you keep around. You need friends or people around you who see the worth in you……especially when you don’t see it in yourself. This is so crucial because my friends did this day in and day out, and I really want to thank them. When I was allowing people to walk over me and mistreat me, they were there. They never condemned me or judged me. They helped me and encouraged me to love and accept myself. A sister circle is so essential y’all, I am telling youuuuu.
To everyone that is struggling to see their self worth, there are 3 things I would advise you to do:

1. Pray. It may sound cliche, but seriously pray. Prayer is needed because self doubt, self loathing, and lack of self love are spirits the enemy uses to destroy you. You have to be in consistent prayer.

2. Take this time to get to know you. Write notes about what you like about yourself. Figure out what you want to improve about yourself. Do something you love. Post positive affirmations. Fall in love with you! Honestly what I had to do was take time away from everything and everyone, and I had to find me.

3. Everyday look in the mirror and tell yourself you are worthy. You’re worthy of all the good things coming your way. Regardless of what you’ve been though, what you’ve done, how you’ve been treated by others, or how you’ve treated yourself….know you are worthy. You are beautiful inside and out. You have a purpose. You are alive and breathing. You are great. You are loved. You are divinely favored. You are here. You ARE worthy. #PERIODDDDDDD (S/O City Girls #FREEJT)

In Transition

The theme of my year thus far has been all about transition/change. For me the two go hand in hand. Transition is a process of changing from one state or condition to another. Right now it is very evident that God is doing just that to me. God has taken me through many transitions and journeys, but right now I’ll have to say Im going through a very hard yet important one. I moved out on my own to a completely different state. When presented with the opportunity, I was terrified. Although change is needed to succeed and grow in life, it is something I really struggle with. Not only that, I knew this stage would come with many challenges and babbbbyyyyyyyy, ya’ girl was right, lol.

 

From working an entire summer with NO pay, to almost not having a place to live, to just going through every struggle imaginable….it has been rough, okay. There were many times I wanted to give up, and I’m pretty sure there will be many more, but one thing that this journey has taught me is to hang in there. To have hope…..It is so easy to dwell on the negative, but I’m literally in the process of transforming my mind to really focus and dwell on the good. I also reaffirmed that change/transition is in fact inevitable. Without it one does not progress or grow, or get to a level of desired success. Many changes will mold you and shape you into who you need to become for that next level in your life. It will be uncomfortable and there will be doubt, but you have to stay headstrong. This plays a vital role in becoming the best you.
I’ve learned so much about myself in this transition. It has taught me how strong I really am, and it has showed me how great I will and can be. I also learned the power of faith. It was days I didn’t know how things would work, I would pray and by the end of the day….there was a solution (We thank Gawwwdddd). In this time I have meet some of the most genuine people ever. They helped me in my time in need, and it made me believe in people again. I’ve learned it is okay to be open and vulnerable. I say all this to say every transition or point of change in your life is worth it. Its purpose is to prepare you for what’s to come and as tough as this transition has been, I pray for greatness.