I can honestly say the journey to knowing my own worth has been an extremely difficult one. I did not always value the person I saw in the mirror, nor did I see her as worthy. I had low self esteem which played the biggest role in me not seeing my worth. It allowed me to put others before me. I defined myself through other people and stupid things like popularity and positions. After a while, it became seeing my worth through others.
Like I always say, I’m not a big “relationshippyyy” type of gal. I rarely trust people andI hate vulnerability, and whenever I feel like I’m being vulnerable…I run, lmao. But a few years back I met someone that I felt was worth that. I then got into a “situationship”. I’m low-key glad it happened because it made me see that I didn’t value myself. My value came from whether or not he valued me. I eventually wanted a relationship, and he didn’t….this is what really messed me up. I took this as I’m not good enough or I’m not worthy enough, and things went south from there. I looked as myself as the issue. What it really was was that he just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship but I really had a complex and I believed it was me. Because I measured my worth through his eyes, I allowed myself to stay into something when I knew I deserved better. What it boiled down to is lack of self love. I didn’t know how to love myself…and essentially I lost myself.
Thinking back, I realized I went through this period because there were certain things God wanted to teach me. I had to learn how to love me for me. Regardless of position, status, or whatever. I had to learn to be confident in the woman I am… confidence and self worth go hand in hand. Confidence is a product of knowing your worth. Again, self love also plays a major role. When you love yourself, you set standards and you know what you deserve. This isn’t limited to relationships but in your careers, FRIENDSHIPS, etc….Don’t ever sell yourself short.
From my “know your worth/self love” journey I’ve learned when you know worth, you keep away from anything or anyone that is a detriment to you. You don’t tolerate just anything. You’re mindful of who you give yourself to…I had to learn this the hard way because not everyone deserves you. You have to protect the woman that you have fought so hard to become. Love yourself. You can’t teach people how to love you when you don’t even have the slightest idea how. It. Won’t. Work. Sis. It just won’t, lol. You have to also be mindful of those you keep around. You need friends or people around you who see the worth in you……especially when you don’t see it in yourself. This is so crucial because my friends did this day in and day out, and I really want to thank them. When I was allowing people to walk over me and mistreat me, they were there. They never condemned me or judged me. They helped me and encouraged me to love and accept myself. A sister circle is so essential y’all, I am telling youuuuu.
To everyone that is struggling to see their self worth, there are 3 things I would advise you to do:
1. Pray. It may sound cliche, but seriously pray. Prayer is needed because self doubt, self loathing, and lack of self love are spirits the enemy uses to destroy you. You have to be in consistent prayer.
2. Take this time to get to know you. Write notes about what you like about yourself. Figure out what you want to improve about yourself. Do something you love. Post positive affirmations. Fall in love with you! Honestly what I had to do was take time away from everything and everyone, and I had to find me.
3. Everyday look in the mirror and tell yourself you are worthy. You’re worthy of all the good things coming your way. Regardless of what you’ve been though, what you’ve done, how you’ve been treated by others, or how you’ve treated yourself….know you are worthy. You are beautiful inside and out. You have a purpose. You are alive and breathing. You are great. You are loved. You are divinely favored. You are here. You ARE worthy. #PERIODDDDDDD (S/O City Girls #FREEJT)